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February 04, 2009

My Mr. Darcy

In honor of next weekend, thought I'd share an excerpt from a great article I read recently in our marriage magazine. It encapsulates so well how I feel about Peter in this stage of our marriage. It is titled "Thanks a lot, Jane Austen." The author describes going to see Pride and Prejudice with her three sisters. She leaves the theater feeling rather discontent with the lack of romance in her life...

During our courtship and engagement, my husband, Ted, had expressed his affection with homemade cards, roses, and words that made my heart flutter. In fact, he verged on poetic. But once we got married, after two babies in two years, he was too busy putting together swings, heating up bottles, and installing car seats in our newly purchased minivan even to think about romantic gestures.

Now my mind began to concoct other reasons for my husband's lack of romance. Could it be I'd become boring? Unattractive? Did he see me only as the mother of his children, not the love of his life? Perhaps my sweatpants and ponytail weren't as alluring as I'd thought.

I spent a few days brooding in unhappiness and doubt. Until the clouds parted and I had a revelation. Mr. Darcy won Elizabeth's heart not with flowery words, but with actions. He salvaged her family's name and gave the encouragement that led to her sister's engagement, and it was the very living out of his love that brought Elizabeth to admit her true feelings for him. This is exactly how my husband goes about winning my heart day in and day out: with his actions. Maybe he wasn't so different from Mr. Darcy after all.

I started to pay attention to the evidence of my husband's love. It was in a fridge full of Starbuck's mocha frappucinos. In the way he gave up his daily newspaper reading to watch our girls so I could find time to shower. In surprising me with a book by my favorite author. In painting the house so that color fills my day. It's in these displays of unselfishness, in the laying down of his wants and desires in order to bless me, that I see his love.

Between all of life's responsibilities, there's not much time for what society defines as "love" and "romance." Not a lot of candlelight dinners for two, spur-of-the-moment romantic getaways, and long walks happen when a married couple is busy with life--especially if they're also parenting little ones. That breathless newlywed excitement fades as diapers, meals, and bath times take over. Love has met the reality of ordinary days. But it's through these ordinary days that love is lived out in a much more authentic manner.

This past Valentine's Day I felt like a young bride again when my husband had a dozen roses and a box of chocolate delivered to my door. But in all honesty, I've come to realize that isn't where I see his love most clearly. It's his practical, daily displays of service and selflessness that mirror the Mr. Darcy who abandoned his place in society to better Elizabeth's world.

And in that, my heart is captivated far beyond the power of words.

I just love that line, But it's through these ordinary days that love is lived out in a much more authentic manner. That's the man God gave me. Like the other night when I was suddenly exhausted at dinner time and felt woozy and dizzy. I went upstairs just to lie down for a little bit with Charlotte and planned to wake up with her in a half hour or so. Well two hours later I awoke! We were both overtired and had just crashed. Natalie was put to bed, the toys were put away, and my kitchen was clean. And I fell in love all over again. As my first D.C. Talk album said, "Luv Is A Verb." :)

But that's not to say a girl doesn't like an honest-to-goodness, out-of-the-house date now and then. :) And next Saturday night I'm putting on my "big girl clothes," we're heading to The Muddy Rudder, then on to jazz by our dear friend Sonja. May you all have a lovely Valentine's Day, however you should choose to spend it.

Posted by Shannon at February 4, 2009 09:44 PM

Comments

Posted by: Katie at February 7, 2009 02:28 PM

Posted by: life with my boys at February 8, 2009 02:55 PM

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