« A Cranky Girl | Main | A Rare Poltical Post »
January 05, 2009
Shannon's Top Ten Current Things of Yuck
Okay, Ame, I'll play along. And thank you so much for your authenticity. My disclaimer for readers is that my life is truly wonderful right now, but there are definitely struggles. I have several items in common with my dear friend Amy, which lead me to the first yucky thing...
1. I wish I'd thought to do the list first, and feel like mine won't be as good since she already said a lot of the things that are on mine! A very immature thought process indeed. :)
2. I am a selfish, selfish, did I mention I'm selfish? woman who realizes it more and more acutely with each passing day. Getting married brought it out, but motherhood so much more. I can be totally in love with my children one minute and treating them selflessly, then the very next resent them. I can so relate to Paul in Romans 7 these days. Thank goodness for God's grace!
3. I don't have a consistent quiet time with the Lord lately and sometimes fall to the temptation to clean or do my own thing when I have time to myself rather than meet with Him. And if I do I struggle much of that time against distractions and wanting to rush it so I can do all the other things on my to do list. Lately I've realized that I may need to get up before my family in order to have time with God at the depth that I need. Ugh. Not easy for a mommy who is already tired, and so far I haven't been able to take that step but I feel the Holy Spirit's nudge to make that sacrifice, to be a prayer warrior for my little family and to meet Him at that time of day.
4. I don't love my honey as I should. He is way more creative and romantic with me than I with him. I'm increasingly convicted to love him more passionately and to think of little ways to love him throughout the day instead of getting completely caught up in just getting through my day or doing my own thing when I have down time.
5. I often worship at the altar of the material and temporal, ie, having things perfectly organized, having no clutter, having things clean. I've grown since mommyhood in letting these things go and just being with my girls and hubby, but still struggle with it in my mind which Jesus says is just as problematic.
6. I have too high expectations for Natalie at times when it comes to her behavior and ability to listen to me. I get quickly frustrated with noncompliance, and I hate that rigid, concrete part of my personality. I am several times a day convicted for my lack of grace when God has been soooo gracious with me.
7. In the middle of the night when I'm bouncing back and forth between my still-nursing-like-a-newborn 6 month old and my insomniac toddler, my thoughts easily slip into "Martyr Mommy" zone. Sometimes I can be patient and think things like "who might God want me to pray for while I'm stuck awake with my girls?" BUT many more moments I struggle to be patient and accepting of the task he has given me in that moment and instead get mad at Him, think why me? poor me and when will I ever sleep again?
8. Even as I write these, my pride is totally kicking in and I want to make disclaimers on all of them (like I sort of did in the last one). I want to explain to you how I'm really not THAT bad, and these aren't things I struggle with ALL the time. I want to dress it up. I'm afraid of being misunderstood and looking bad or being too negative which leads me to another huge struggle...
9. I think WAY too much about how I will be perceived by others and it all boils down to pride and distracts me from keeping God as my primary focus. I devote way too much brain time to overanalyzing, obsessing, and comparing that could be given to the Lord and listening to what he wants for me.
10. I've realized lately that I'm not always a very good listener. I often talk over people or finish sentences in my excitement to relate to them, but if I'm really honest with myself it's also driven by my desire to share my own awesome thoughts :)
Well, there you go. My yuck in a nutshell. And again, I don't mean this to be a downer of a post, but see it more as following God's command in James 5:16. So please pray for me when you read it and keep me accountable for the things I need to work on! Love to you all.
Posted by Shannon at January 5, 2009 09:38 PM
Comments
We are two peas in a pod, you and I!
#9's a good one....hadn't thought of that when I was writing mine, but I know I do that ALL the time.
Much love, much love, dear friend. Will we EVER see each other again? :0)
Posted by: Amy at January 6, 2009 10:31 AM
Ooops. I meant to say that #10's a good one - the whole talking over others one. I do #9, too, but I was specifically thinking about #10! Yep....I pretty much struggle with all those things.
Posted by: Amy at January 6, 2009 10:32 AM
Oh I relate to these all! I SOOOO want to write my own....but I will not do so on my blog because I know that there are "unsafe people" who read it (meaning the woman I was talking about the other day at your house). So to protect myself from her taking my vulnerability and using it as hurtful ammo, I must abstain from the yucky list on my blog :(
Posted by: Sarah at January 6, 2009 12:20 PM
I love you! That's all.
Posted by: Esther at January 6, 2009 05:14 PM
Esther you are too funny. I love you all. Course now I feel like I should do a post on all the wonderful parts of mommyhood :)
Posted by: shannon at January 7, 2009 03:59 PM
*hugs*
Love you!
Posted by: Katie at January 8, 2009 02:29 PM
vast post you've get hold of
Posted by: Claudia Spiker at December 5, 2010 09:41 PM