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July 28, 2008

This Week's Highs and Lows of Motherhood

Low: Getting grumpy with my eldest because she's moving like molasses or being defiant or doing any number of other normal two-year-old things that in my sleep-deprived state I find annoying instead of endearing. Especially difficult when she chooses the moment when Charlotte is screaming with an immediate need. Right away feeling extremely ashamed of my lack of patience and unconditional love for her. Apologizing to my toddler...again.

High: Activities with Natalie when Charlotte naps....making bread together, reading books, playing in her sandbox...special moments when I feel like a good and creative mommy again :)

Low: Getting the two princesses packed and ready for a trip to lake on 3 to 4 hours of sleep while they scream in unison. Having to stop to nurse on the way, further delaying our arrival, because Girl #2 hasn't eaten in 1 1/2 hours and is wasting away!

High: Getting to the lake where there are many willing arms. Swimming by myself, soaking up the sun, catching up with family, watching my husband (who hates water) don his bathing suit and play in the water with Natalie (falling in love all over again!), in general feeling totally restored by a day in the great outdoors, having a good chat with hubby on the ride home while the divas sleep. :)

Low: Pacing with screaming Charlotte in the snuggly at 3 in the morning while singing worship choruses (to calm me) in tears. Other times the lyrics I sing are not so nice, although sung in a sweet and soothing voice. :)

High: Lying in bed with Charlotte sweetly asleep on my chest, listening to Natalie sing her version on the Veggie Tales theme song in her crib. Life is good...

High: Sneaking downstairs when Charlotte is up for the day to let the rest of the family sleep. Starting bread dough and mixing pancake batter. Feeling like Super Mommy and forgetting my fatigue.

Low: Screwing up my bread recipe an hour later when feeding Natalie breakfast, doing dishes and trying to hurry to feed once-again screaming Charlotte. More tears, but brief this time. Regain my perspective and don't let it ruin my day, salvage the bread...no more multi-tasking. Can you say "Pride goeth before a fall?" :)

High: Finding comic relief in catching Charlotte with her fist in her hair, screaming, unable to figure out how to let go...or is that a low? Hmmm....

Photos of our bread and lake time to follow...

Posted by Shannon at 01:16 PM | Comments (4)

July 15, 2008

The New Reality

Guess we'd better get used to this.

Posted by Peter at 04:18 PM | Comments (6)

July 14, 2008

First Day on Our Own

Peter is back to work half days again this week, but today his duties required a full day. So me and my girls are on our own for the first time. So far not too bad. In the first hour we all shed tears, but things have steadily improved since.
I sat with Natalie this morning doing a quick quiet time while she watched "Bugs Life" and came across these verses:

"We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:28 and 29

This verse was a reminder of the fact that motherhood is hard but also of how I am to accomplish it...with His energy (thank goodness, He has a limitless supply!). And a reminder of the goal...to teach my children, to pass along wisdom, so that they will be perfect (complete).

So I'm trying to keep this in mind today...so far so good...but we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm rather labile these days :) Gotta take this one minute (or second) at a time.

Posted by Shannon at 10:33 AM | Comments (1)

July 12, 2008

A Day in the Life of Natalie

In the morning, Aunt Jessica brought this dress. She loved it.

Later, there was chocolate. Between the new wardrobe and the treat, she had a pretty good day.

Posted by Peter at 11:09 PM | Comments (3)

July 09, 2008

Afterthoughts

So I'm reading my last post again and it seems complainy. I know these overwelmed/selfish/negative moments are normal, but in the aftermath I feel ashamed of them, especially when God reminds me of the big picture. My Utmost for His Highest points me to Philippians today, where I am reminded to "do everything without complaining or arguing, so that [I] may become blameless and pure." And in the preceding verses, that I am to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and that God is actually working in me to will and act for His good purpose.

Wow--sounds like a good description of motherhood to me. Makes me think, are my actions and choices throughout the day for His good purpose? All those shallow things that my flesh longs to accomplish are most certainly not, but caring deeply and sacrificially for my growing family's needs most certainly is. And I am thankful that the new daughter He's given me is such a snuggler who would like to be carried around all day. This will not allow me to do a whole lot of multi-tasking...and that is oh-so good for my character.

Savor the moments, savor, savor, savor...just BE...when will I ever get these things through my thick and sleepy head! :) I feel like Paul in Romans 7--just when I feel on top of this, I relapse. So glad God is patient and "carrying this work to completion."

Posted by Shannon at 08:25 PM | Comments (2)

Moving Through Molasses

This will likely be a short post, and it may not be coherent :). We're all quite exhausted today after a rough night with Natalie. Believe it or not, Charlotte slept very well with a 4 hour stretch between meals! But an hour after I woke up feeling excited and refreshed about that, the elder daughter was up hollering. Praise the Lord :( I really can't be mad at her. She's done SO well overall and is doing normal two-year-old adjusting to a sibling stuff. But holy cow, I'm tired.

Every day I desire to blog...or call a friend...or write a note. I'll have a little encouragement from God, or fun insight, or a sweet moment with Natalie or Charlotte that I want to blog or get down in a journal. But these days I often feel as though I'm moving through molasses and cannot get out of my own way or complete a simple task. Much of the time I am at peace with this and can tell myself it is a perfectly ok place to be for a mom of two at two weeks postpartum. But I'm also having some moments of "Argh! Will I ever get anything done? How will I meet the needs of both my children?" I'm feeling out of sorts and ungrounded with our routine not yet established and barely having quiet times and just getting through the basic needs of the day. I totally know this will all come with time. I know God understands. I also know that it won't ever be like it was before and I do need to have contentment and adjust my expectations. I know it's enough right now to just care for my family, and I want to savor every moment with my little ones. I think I'm doing that, but I need God's help to do it even more and put myself aside. But in my hormonal state it can be difficult to think logically :)

Recently in a tearful moment of not being able to fall asleep during a precious baby naptime, a verse came into my mind...

"Like a shepherd He will tend His flock,
In His arm He will gather the lambs
And carry them in His bosom;
He will gently lead the nursing ewes."

Then I of course had another tearful moment except this time a happy one :)So good to know that God is looking out for us mommies and understands that we need a lot of very gentle leading as we are somewhat fragile. Such a great picture to keep in my mind when I'm feeling weary.

So now one girl is down and the other is close behind her, and I'm going to head to bed as well. Just know I'm thinking of you all often even if I don't make it to the phone or get out for a visit. Tough to fit these things in to my "Dairy Bar" schedule :)

Posted by Shannon at 11:05 AM | Comments (0)

July 02, 2008

Thoughts from Mommy of Two

The Babe sleeps peacefully with a full belly, and Peter just headed upstairs with Natalie suggesting that I use the time to blog. I've been meaning to for days, but lately it's a challenge to do more than the basic needs. :) So sweet to have a few quiet moments to get some thoughts down about this very special time.

Hard to believe that we've been a family of four for a week and a half already. Seems just yesterday (but also eons ago) that my belly was huge and my feet were poofy (they look so pretty and dainty to me now even though I know they're not!), I was scurrying around the house finishing little odds and ends and wondering when the big moment would be.

Now we have met our sweet Charlotte Martha, who, like Natalie, was thought by many to be a boy. Now Peter is totally surrounded by estrogen but totally thrilled. God has blessed me with a good delivery, a healthy baby, a smooth recovery, and wonderful family and friends to take care of us in this time of adjustment and little sleep. :)

It amazes me again how a baby can put things so quickly into perspective and slow life down. I feel like I'm in a bit of a time warp lately. Our schedule revolves around Charlotte's, and we are reduced to the basics as we care for her basic needs and get to know her. This means we are tolerating a new level of filth in the house :), but also has made for wonderful times of just being together because, well, we don't really have the energy for anything else :)

Yes, we've had some little outings, and it is good to have little ventures into the outside world and visits from friends. And I'm still thrilled with the small cleaning or organizing task that I might accomplish each day as energy increases. But I'm really savoring the just BEING, and I know what a good discipline that is for my task-oriented personality. Thank you, Lord.

I want to say too, although he's not great on receiving compliments, how amazing Peter has been these past couple of weeks, taking care of his three girls. It's not easy keeping a house-full of women happy :), and there's nothing like watching your spouse in a new role to make you fall more head-over-heels in love.

He was my strength and comfort in birth. While I was in the hospital being taken care of, he was running Natalie around and kept the house clean so that I could come home to peaceful surroundings. He has taken on lots of "woman's work" while I recover and rest, sacrificing his own needs for sleep and down-time. He helps with Charlotte's care so that I can have some moments to take care of me. He loves the challenge of figuring her out and is so intuitive and sensitive to her needs.

He has been gentle and loving and present for Natalie, keeping her routine as normal as possible and giving her extra attention to ease a tough transition. This has deepened the bond between them in a way that neither of us had anticipated. She gives him so much spontaneous affection lately that I get to feeling a little jealous, but I'm so thankful for the new opportunity for closeness they've had. I just pray that I can maintain and grow she and I's relationship as I take on Charlotte's needs.

Well, I think that's as much as my tired brain can formulate. More to come. We love you all so much! Thanks for all the fun comments, cards, gifts, meals and prayers. It means SO MUCH.

Posted by Shannon at 08:25 PM | Comments (4)