1. Drivers who aren't me. Mostly Maine drivers, who are among the worst in the country. They stop at green lights, run through red lights, straddle lanes and tailgate like madmen. I'm not the best driver in the world (my friend Dan could tell you that) but everyone else is worse.

2. Licorice. It's disgusting and evil. I can't prove it, but I think licorice might just be Satan's favorite flavor.

3. Puppies. Sure, they're cute to look at. But they're messy, lack common sense and whine a lot. Might as well keep Bill Clinton as a pet.

4. People who insist on backing into parking spaces. Sure, it's easier to get out of that parking space if you've backed into it. But if getting into that space takes 5 minutes, then it seems you really haven't saved all that much time. Especially if you have to make others wait for you.

5. Microsoft and Norton Are all of those updates necessary? Really?

6. Dancing. I'm not good at it, so of course I hate it. Ever seen a person with epilepsy have an attack while standing? That's what it looks like when I attempt to dance.

7. Surly customer service. I've worked some crappy service jobs. I know how awful customers can be. But smiling and giving the correct change really isn't all that hard.

8. Taxes. I earn the money, they take the money and can put me in jail if I don't give the right amount. Then they give some of it to other people who don't pay taxes. Hmmm...

9 . Rachael Ray. No one is that naturally perky. I suspect drugs...or demonic possession.

10. Home ownership. More of a love/hate thing, really. Correcting the bad decorating decisions of previous owners is tiresome, but getting to use a saws-all makes it almost worth it.

11. Un-necessary emotion. Crying when you're happy? That doesn't seem right.

12. Hollywood award shows. Rarely have so many celebrated so much for so little reason. Sure, movies are fun but the sheer number of self-congratulatory vanity parties is a bit staggering.

13. Inflatable lawn decorations. Snowmen, snow globes, Halloween creatures...those things redefine tacky. Each holiday season, I consider becoming a serial decoration slasher.

14. Work parties. Hey, let's all stand around awkwardly and eat cake with plastic utensils!

Hm. That felt pretty good.

Honorable mention?

Julia Roberts. She's like a less-talented Rachael Ray with pretensions.